Kangaroo starter and the man who wasn’t there.

Part of the haul that he did not bring.

I am a big fan of the Coen Brothers. To my mind, they have never (hardly ever) made a poor movie. One of my absolute favourites is The Man Who Wasn’t There.  Billy Bob Thornton plays a barber who manages to be ‘not there’ in most of the events in the lives surrounding him. It is a wonderful production, beautifully constructed. I tell you this to set up a very strange happening (or non happening depending on how you look at it.) that took place, or didn’t take place, recently.

As is our habit, we had a family dinner here a couple of Sunday’s ago. A good friend from Australia did not arrive. He did not bring a freezer bag full of smuggled exotic fruit and vegetables with a prized pair of kangaroo fillets secreted in the bottom. That would have been something I would frown upon. He did not use his experience as a chef and all round creative genius to construct a delicious tasting starter for the assemblage. They are not used to that sort of thing and would have been spoiled by it, if it had happened. 

GIven that none of this occurred, the photographs that are in this post are not what they seem. They are cunningly constructed using local Irish winter farm produce, cleverly disguised as Antipodean delights, transported from the bottom of the globe in first class temperature controlled luxury.

He did not prepare and we did not enjoy Pan Roasted Kangaroo Fillet served on a Tomato, Coriander and Lime Salsa with Fresh Mango and Passion Fruit. If he had, he would probably have soaked the fillets in fine Australian olive oil and marinated it in fresh purple Australian garlic and ginger.

Two fine fillets of what looks very like kangaroo. We both know that could not be.

If he had been here, he would have mixed the chopped tomatoes, chili and coriander with lime juice, garlic and olive oil. I would imagine that something like that would be very tasty.

Imagine if these had been genuine Australian ingredients flown in overnight.

He would have regaled my mother, wife and daughters with tales of 40 degree celsius temperatures and barbecuing by the pool, if he had been here. Then he would then have pan seared and oven roasted the fillets.

Imagine if this all happened. It would have been wonderful.

Then he would have let them settle while frying some mixed spices to sprinkle over the meat.

The spices were not from Australia. They were from my cupboard. Not that they were used in this dish that he did not make.

If he had been there, he would have made the salsa the centrepiece of the presentation.

An amazing salsa with fresh tomatoes, enjoyed in an Irish kitchen in winter. Not possible. Or is it?

Then he would have surrounded the dish with fresh Australian mango.

Mango? Did the mango or did he arrive in the first place?

He would then have sprinkled the meat with the dry spice and carved it into thin slices.

If he had carved it, he would have carved it like this.

This is very much like a Coen Brothers movie, It was a wonderful production, beautifully constructed. What’s more, it was done by The Man Who Wasn’t There.

Even if it had been made and presented at our table, there is no evidence left to prove it one way or another.